Saturday, January 26, 2013

To my possible future kids

I wrote this letter on December 15th 2012. I don't know if I ever will get a child but if I do this is how I hopefully will be as a mother.

First of all, I want you to know that whatever you do, whoever you become, whatever you will believe in and no matter who you will love I will always love you. I might at times become dissapointed with things you do, but never in you - I will always be in your corner. 
I want you to grow up believing in the fairy tales, that if we walk in the forest you might see an unicorn or a fairy behind a tree. I want you as a child to believe in Santa, the Easter bunny and the the Tooth fairy. I want you to grow up believing in the magic and goodness of this world. I want to shelter you while still letting you learn from your mistakes, hold your hand when you need me to and kiss your pain away when you fall down. I will be there through every heart break, through every mistake, through every up and down if you let me. 
I will be the one who read fairy tales when you go to sleep because I can't sing, but I will show you worlds and creatures some people can't even dream about. I will teach you to fight for those who can't and I will teach you that the pen is mightier than the sword. I will teach you about integrity and to be yourself. If only one thing sticks I want it to be that I have taught you to be confident in yourself, to believe in yourself. 
I want you to have a childhood you will look back to with a smile.  
I want you to know that even though I might not be perfect I tried my hardest to give you love and support. I have my own demons to fight and those might come out now and then but with every error I do I will try to correct it. I want you to know that even if we might fight I will always love you. 
I will never lay a hand on you. I will never call you names. I will never leave you when you need me. I want to be your castle wall against the heavy wind. I want you to be able to call me when you're in trouble, no matter if it's because you're 15 and drunk or because you're heart broken or worse. No matter how old you'll be I will always be your mum, always be there when you need me. 
When you're a teen and can stay out late I will always be up with a lamp, probably reading a book, until you come home. I will make you supper, listen to you if you want to talk and then hug you goodnight - every time. I will be there for you. If a friend of yours or you is in need I don't want you to hesitate, call me. I want to be the shelter from the storm, I want to be the first one you call when you need help. 
If you have lots of friends I want you to be able to invite them over for slumber parties or for dinner, if you have no friends I will play with you - we can have fun anyway. If you're bullied I want you to be able to tell me. If you're having trouble with homework, I will help you. If you want to learn new things like riding, painting or dancing - I will let you, even if you quit more than you continue because one day you might find that activity that sets your heart on fire. 
But above all, I want you to be happy. To dare to be you, to dare to work for your dreams and catch them no matter how silly they might appear to others.  
Carin

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