Wednesday, December 07, 2016

Learned another thing about being INFJ today

Something that in later years have begun to annoy me with being INFJ is Fe (extraverted feeling, my auxiliary function). It means I'm great in picking up and understanding other people's feeling but shitty with my own. Before I had someone to bounce thoughts and feelings with but I don't anymore and it's now that I don't have one that I really feel I need one I can vent to, to be able to sort my feelings and thoughts out.
To an INFJ, getting their feelings out there is important. Since they use Fe and not Fi, they are often acutely aware of other’s feelings, but have difficulty managing their own. This makes a good heart-to-heart conversation with a trusted friend especially important for them. Through this they are able to try to express their emotions and have someone feed them back to them. This allows their Fe to somehow absorb and understand their own emotions because they have been able to “hear” their emotions through someone else. (source)
And:
Fi users can easily understand their own emotions, while Fe users will often have to ‘vent’ or talk their emotions out to understand them. This process of putting their feelings out into the world lets them process them effectively, and is an important thing for them to be able to do. This rule applies more to dominant and auxiliary Fe users, and less to the tertiary and inferior Fe users. (source)

I've always known I needed to vent things, to throw what I'm thinking/feeling at someone to really make sense of things but after reading above today it made more sense as to why I need to. It wasn't news for me though that INFJ handle other people's feelings better, but it was news how we deal with not having a handle on our own.

I also read an article about INFJ and INFP and how to spot the difference, the article didn't help much at all. In fact after reading it I started to ponder if I'm INFP. After realising the whole venting thing I knew I can't be INFP because they're introverted feelers and thus have better grasp on how they feel and why on their own. So yeah, still an INFJ but with a little better understanding of myself.

Friday, December 02, 2016

I need your opinion!

I am pondering about closing my etsy shop next year since I'm losing more money than I get from it, but before I give up completely I want to give it one last shot and that's where you come in! I need honest opinions about my shop, especially answers to these questions:
1. What prevents you from buying?
2. What can I do better?


I really need your help and please be honest, it's important to me so I can make it better and hopefully start selling more. I had a month long sale and I had a lot of people looking but not a single notebook got a new home! And I want to know why!

Being INFJ and a writer

INFJ is one of the 16 types of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and I happen to be exactly that type  and I've read a lot about this type to understand myself better. However, it wasn't until today that I understood the writer side of me when I read:
"Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others."
I've always said to others that I like to explore the inner workings of my characters, what drives them, why do they do what they do and I even favour the ones in the darker spectrum* because I'm fascinated more by them than the typical "good guy".

I for example despise movies and books where we just accept that the bad guy wants to hurt others but we do not get a reason to why, that is why in general I don't like horror movies because they don't give a motivation to why the killer want to slash the babysitter to bits. I also don't like the Wizard of Oz for the same reason, it's very black and white, but it's also why I like the book Wicked based on the same world, but it tells the story of the wicked witch and her motivations.

When I read above quoted passage I felt "Yes!". I think that is why I've favoured first person storytelling when I write, which I didn't realise until this year's NaNoWriMo when I against better judgement wrote in third person. I want to poke around in there, I want to know what they feel, how they feel, what they want to do about it. Usually I did that in third limited, but now that's not enough anymore, I need to be under their skin - feel their rage, their sadness, their loss.

I think that is why I have expanded the Magnolia-world from one book to three. I find new perspectives I want to explore.
Book 1: We follow M and LadyM, the two most powerful women of that land
Book 2: We follow R who is a regular girl in that land who has to deal with the aftermath of what happens in book 1
Book 3: We follow D, the queen of the neighbouring country, which tells the same story as R but from a different perspective

Book 3 was never planned to be. Half way through what I've so far written of book 1 (which is probably half way) I knew there had to be a book 2, I couldn't leave it that way. I needed another pair of eyes to tell what happens next. Book 3 mostly happened because of D, she basically came to me and I knew I had to tell her story too.

As you notice, the Magnolia books are heavily based on the characters and what they go through, their story. I want to know what motivates them (as said). My characters are never bad to begin with (greyscale remember) but some of them do shitty stuff and I want to make my characters complex enough for the reader to both hate the character's actions but to feel with them too. My characters aren't always what they seem.

I know that is a big (and maybe impossible) thing to try, but it's one of the reasons I write and one of the reasons why I favour my darker characters instead of the lighter ones. They're harder to write, but they are also more interesting to explore.

*I don't see people as black and white (good or bad), I see people on a greyscale spectrum and with our actions we go back and forth on that spectrum, we're not stagnant because no one is pure evil or pure good.

Thursday, December 01, 2016

Cousin Abigail [Good Witch]

I can only go by the new seasons (2015 and onward) since I've never seen any of the previous Good Witch,  just so you know.

It's a  nice little series, not much drama or negative things happen - if they do, they resolve quickly, which I wouldn't expect either since it's a Hallmark show. However what truly makes my teeth grit is the Abigail Merriwick character, I cannot stand her, every time I see her I want to punch her teeth out.

Cassie always give people affected by Abigail's latest scheme some kind of advice that's basically "Oh she does what she does" and ends it with something that's basically turn the other cheek or fight harder for what you want than Abigail does, instead of telling her cousin to play nice. So annoyed with this.

In season 2 which I've just started watching Abigail even snatches her boss' investor to start her own shop. That's pretty low. She always keep doing shit either because she thinks it will be good for the person (no matter what they themselves say) or because of self interest.

I would enjoy this show so much more if this character didn't exist, I don't feel she brings anything at all to the show besides being a nuisance.

The show overall is one of those that can be a bit too much sugary sweet for you, especially well meaning Cassie, but it's nice to watch on a rainy day or when you just need something to idly watch that won't be too dramatic or disturbing, except for the annoying Abigail.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Creative differences: me, my dad and step mum

My dad and step mum bought me a colouring book and pens this summer to keep my mind occupied from all the shit it wanted to focus on. My step mum were like "when you colour you can't think of anything else" and my dad were like "because you need to focus on staying within the lines", when they spoke it sounded like rocket science.

Then I hadn't coloured in a while so I didn't say anything about it, because maybe they were right?

As I started filling in my first page in the colouring book I realised that they were not right. While drawing I can think of a thousands things, I can have conversations in my head, I can also think of what colour to use next and what to have for dinner or on something that happened 10 years ago. My mind goes all over the place because I don't have to focus on the drawing, not like my step mum seem to do anyway.

It wasn't until today that I could really pinpoint why. My dad and step mum aren't creative/artistic, especially not my dad (he's tone deaf, can't play an instrument, can't draw or anything of the sort). My step mum do play some piano, have been in choirs (do her singing isn't good), she has done some jewellery by instructions but she's not a creative/artistic person in general. Sure, they both enjoy watching theatre and such but doing it themselves nah.

Then we have me: I have drawn since someone gave me a pen, I've been acting, I've written stories of varied length since I learned how to write, I photograph for more than "let's document this moment" and I create jewellery from my own mind's ideas and create other knick-knacks like Christmas ornaments. I'm worlds apart from my dad and step mum. So, of course drawing wouldn't be rocket science for me, it's just colour theory in action ;)

Saturday, November 26, 2016

My two cents about Gilmore Girls revival [SPOILERS]

[THERE WILL BE SPOILERS, YOU HAVE NOW BEEN WARNED!]

[I mean it, come back when you've seen all four episodes]



I binge watched all four episodes in one go so it was basically one very long movie, now when I think back it is a little hazy of what happened exactly in each episode... I also needed to sleep on it before I could collect my thoughts here. And now, here we are.

I thought it was lovely - it captured the feel of Stars Hollow and Gilmore Girls again, that cozy wrapped up feeling of everything will be all right and everyone care for each other. It was too bad that some characters only made an appearance (I get it, people are busy, but still) and I was sad that Lane didn't get any real storyline - she deserves more. Overall I liked these four episodes a lot, I was in a bubble while watching them.

I would also like to bring up that I've seen some complain that they didn't like that Rory struggled since she was made out to be some kind of star to be in the first GG, but I disagree. It fits with what many of my generation is struggling with (me included). Also, if it had not been for that then she wouldn't have been home enough to have quality time for her mum (the essence of the series), she wouldn't had been able to save the Gazette or write the book about her and her mum. Think about that before you complain.

Some things I really loved:
  • Emily in jeans and t-shirt - omfg!
  • The proposal scene
  • The life and death brigade outing
  • Seeing Lane's dad!
  • Secret bar scene
  • That Lane's and Zack's band is still together
  • The wedding scene, so beautiful (though I would have loved to see the big party for all of Stars Hollow too - it would have been so amazing. A real Stars Hollow moment.)
I've probably forgotten something, I'm sure, so many wonderful moments. Now, to the ending.

The shocker that Rory is pregnant. But when you think about it, it's not that big of a shock since basically all four episodes had the theme full circle and that Rory gets pregnant without having a man in her life is a nod to Lorelai.

There's been a lot of discussions who the father is... I think mostly by people (like me) who aren't team Logan. I am pretty sure (sadly) that it's Logan's child. Why? Because that's the only person we see Rory being intimate with and then we have her discussion with her father. She asks Christopher about how he felt about not being involved in her growing up, which then was framed in the light of a personal question but also for the book about her and her mum she's writing, in hindsight it's more about the situation she's in I'd say, since Logan is engaged to Odette and lives in another country.

Some people say it might be Paul (the forgettable boyfriend) but I say not likely since they didn't seem to meet in a long time, and that's one of the reasons he broke up with her. But you know, there's always a slim chance she forgot the sex. Some mention the wookie and I say nah, Rory would be showing if it was that guy and she's not so irresponsible to have unprotected sex with a stranger. And then there's team Jess who say maybe they hooked up off screen, he did look at her longingly through the window and Luke asked if there was something there. However much I would like this idea I don't think that's it either, Rory's affection seemed to lie with Logan.

However, I feel that Jess might still be a future contender for Rory's affection because if we go full circle as the theme has been then Logan is Christopher and Jess is Luke. Clearly Jess have feelings for Rory even though he says he don't do Luke but I think Rory right there don't see Jess as more than friend, but neither did Lorelai with Luke in the beginning...

I really want there to be more Gilmore Girls, it would be fun to see Rory pregnant - oh the food chaos, and who she would be as a mother. But most of all, I want to be right - I want her to end up with Jess no matter if he's the dad or not, not Logan.

What's your two cents, do you agree with me?

Thursday, November 24, 2016

NaNoWriMo, day 24

Not too particularly happy with what I wrote today, unsure if the mood swings too much for it to be real but ah well. The Captain is in the building at least.

Slightly tired so might have affected my writing, I will have a glance at it tomorrow to see if it can be made better or if it's good enough as is.

Not much else to say, except that writing after 23 seem to have started to be a thing now, like writing for 30 min or less and then update. I can live with that.

Day 24: 595 words
Total word count: 52 597 words (according to Word)
Target, day 24: 40 000 words

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

NaNoWriMo, day 23

IT IS HAPPENING! OOOH IT IS! I've been waiting for this thing to be used since it was mentioned in the first couple of chapters. So excited!

Anyway, yes, I have managed to write today too :) Sat down for a little while to get those 500 words as I've planned. And I did.

Not much to say about the story, not much happened, except Celia being unhappy.

Day 23: 666 words (noticed afterwards, but I like it)
Total word count: 52 005 words (according to Word)
Target, day 23: 38 333 words

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